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With Backs Turned

It really surprises me everytime a homeschool graduated christian woman (and I’m not calling us girls anymore, because dang it we aren’t anymore!) tell me how they have gone through the same thing I have with controlling parents and being called to leave and live on their own. I don’t know why it does, but it does. Its sad…I was thinking about things the other day and I became was very angry… thinking how I don’t have a mama who I can talk to about thingss like marriage and such. I was angry that my family turned their backs on me. I was angry that they think that is an option. Then I thought about the only time I know of in the Bible where a parent had a a reason and a right to turn their back on their child… want to know when that was?
When Christ was on the cross, carrying the weight of every sin on him for all the ages of the world and God couldn’t look at His son because He was in so much pain for what His son was going through. That is the only time I have seen or heard of a righteous and right reason a parent has EVER had to turn their back on their child. So who do these parents think they are that they can disown and turn their backs on their children whom they disagree with their decisions? Oh they must be God I guess…

You know, there are even unbelievers whose children have done way more evil things like murdering someone than these believing parents’ children have done by moving out of their controlling households!
It angers me that parents think that they have the right to turn their backs on their children just because they believe that they shouldn’t make their own life decisions. Because adult daughters feeling that God wants them to move out of their parents house before they are married is apparently the same thing as Christ having every sin on his back…  Right!
And evenso God doesn’t turn His back on anyone! so this just goes to prove how ungodly it is to do even if you think you have a righteous reason which you actually don’t.*sigh*

I just pray to God that I never have the audacity to think I can do this. That I can break this cycle because it is wrong.

And ya know… it is really hard to even want to have anything to do with these parents that have turned their backs on us, because what’s to say to us that they aren’t gonna do it again? There is a saying that goes: “I’m mature enough to forgive you. But I’m not dumb enough to trust you again.” and while its harsh, its true. It hurts immensely to have your parents whom tell you all the time how they gave you life and would do anything for you and love you so much, only to turn their backs on you. It will take a long time to heal that hurt! And saying “I love you” is just a sentence… until you  show them you love them with your actions. Otherwise your words are “a meaningless noise like a loud gong or a clanging cymbal.” that’s what 1 Corinthians 13 says anyway. You have to show that you love them or you know what? Who cares! And I’m sorry… but turning your back on someone… isn’t a way of showing you love them. Just sayin’!

*double sigh*

Love is verbs… Verbs are actions… use your actions to express your love.

with smiles,

I’ll Only Ever Be Me… Loved or Hated.

~I’m me and that’s all I’ve ever be… so love me or hate me~

I’ve taken that as my saying. When I moved out, I finally found out who I was. In myself and in Christ. I was able to finally feel like I could be me. In a way… I felt as tho I wasn’t riding on my parent’s coattails. I finally felt that I wasn’t a grandchild of God anymore! Coming from the home environment that I did, I wasn’t really allowed to be who I am. It was looked down upon if I found something in the Scriptures that I thought meant something other than someone else did because I wasn’t an adult, or mature or even godly enough and I was supposed to be obedient and be taught by my parents. I felt as tho I was riding on their beliefs blindly… but doesn’t that go against the bible? Are we supposed to just follow blindly what other people tell us even if it our parents? No! Even God tells us to search the scriptures… He doesn’t just say follow me blindly!

Some people hate my saying, some people think that my saying means I won’t ever change, some people think its a lazy excuse to not take credit for my shortcomings and actions. But what it means is I am me. I am who I am. You can either love who I am or hate who I am.
Yes, I will change but that doesn’t change who I am. You cannot live life without changing in some way, that doesn’t make you not you. But you can change in a way you are supposed to or not and that is what makes or breaks relationships… but then again… we each have our own opinions about such things.

I don’t use this saying as an excuse for my shortcomings… I know I have loads of faults… believe me you… some of them… NOT PRETTY! But me being me and giving you the option to love me or hate, its not a lazy excuse for my shortcomings… I don’t blame those on anyone but me. I do blame you if you hate me or shun me because of them. That is your sin not mine. I do believe that Jesus shunned the Pharisees and hypocrites not the sinners…

My saying just means that you have a choice: to love me or hate me for me being me. It means that I’m not gonna be who you want me to be all the time or at all… but you still have the choice. It means I’m not gonna change to be who you want or don’t want. I am ME!

So ya know what… before you go bashing, why not get your head out of your own thoughts and indignation and why don’t you try to understand what something means to someone instead of condemning it and them!

I’m me as always and I will only ever be me… and so love me or hate me.

with smiles,

 
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